Sweet friends,
Sorry for making you wait to find out what my big news is,
but I needed to tell the right people in person before I put it out there on
the interwebs! I could not be more
excited (and nervous!) about the direction I know God is taking me and I am
going to attempt to explain the process of how He got me to make this big
decision. If you’ve been following my
and Layne’s story, you know I can get a bit long-winded but I write what God
wants me to write! I will include a
short and long version if you just want the news and don’t care about how I
arrived there! If you have no idea what our story is, please visit www.caringbridge.org/visit/laynecole if you want to catch up first.
The SHORT version is I am resigning from my part-time job at
Grace Bible Church to be a FULL-TIME, totally self-employed professional
photographer! You may not think this is
as big of a deal as I do, but considering the season of life I’m in and
circumstances God has allowed to occur in my life (like being a widow and
single mom), I think it’s a HUGE deal.
It was a very hard decision to make but I have had confirmation from the
Lord in many areas since I decided to go for it and trust in His leading! I told the church staff this week but don’t
know when my official last day will be. I want to be able to train the person
who replaces me well so it could be a month or two before I am actually taking
the plunge. But I have chosen to take
it!
My new, double-sided business cards just came in the mail yesterday and I LOVE them!
The LONG version is I have been a “photographer” ever since
I can remember and a professional photographer (people have paid me to take
their portraits) since I was in college at Texas A&M in 1997. I have always loved it and know God has given
me a passion for it as well as the talent to capture people and bring out the
best of them on film (or memory card).
Since then, I have invested heavily in professional equipment and
education to continue to hone my craft and become a better photographer both
technically and relationally. And I
still love it. I’ve had a small business
for 15 years now, but have never been able to do it full-time and actually pour
the time and energy into it I know it needs to be more successful. I have wanted go full-time for many years,
but have never felt the peace and affirmation from God that He was leading me
to do it.
Until a few weeks ago!
As I reflected on 2012 and tried to assess what was good and what was
bad about it, I kept remembering how frustrated I always felt because I could never
get caught up in business goals I want to accomplish. I felt that way all of 2011 too, and
purposely chose to do less shooting in 2012 so I could get some of the business
development stuff done. I did check some
huge things off the to-do list like designing my brand, logo, getting a new web
site and blog and most importantly, passing my national Certified Professional
Photographer test in 2012. I am very
proud of those accomplishments, but still have SO MUCH MORE I want to do.
At the beginning of 2011, I took a national PPA
(Professional Photographers of America) class about how to run a successful
portrait business and learned many wonderful things to do but have not had the
time to implement most of them. I also
continually felt like my ability to provide great customer service and deliver
photos and products in a timely manner was next to impossible because of all
the other things on my plate. So I began
to pray about what I could drop because one of the definitions of insanity is “doing
things the same way but expecting different results” (or something like that)! Something had to change. I have been working most every night after I
get the kids in bed for years, and being a widow and a single mom to 5 and 7
year old blonde tornadoes is quite tiring.
Many nights I either want to go to bed too or just veg out and watch “The
Biggest Loser” or “American Idol” and not be productive! But don’t feel like I can because of all that
always needs to be done.
So I began to assess what’s on my plate and what I could drop. Can I stop being a mom? Negative, and I wouldn’t want to! Can I stop taking care of my house and the
domain God has made me a steward of? No,
Paxson is a little young to pay the bills and do the laundry. Do I want to stop leading Bible study? No, because the time in the Word is
invaluable and so is the fellowship and accountability with the amazing ladies
in my group. Can I stop working
out? Yes, but do I want to get back into
the bad habits that kept me overweight for years and gain back the weight I
literally worked my butt off to lose?
And it’s keeping me healthier than I’ve ever been which is good for all
of us. Can I close down my photography
business? Yes, but that is the passion
in my bones and the deepest desire of my heart in working is to give people
priceless images of the ones they love they will treasure for a lifetime. Sounds cheesy, I know, but that’s how I see
it.
So what’s left? Could
I stop working part-time at Grace Bible Church and leave the best staff I’ve
ever been blessed to work with and be a part of fulfilling the vision and
mission of developing leaders and reaching the world for Christ? And give up daily doing life with such
precious and treasured friends and a regular income? It’s not the only regular income I have,
because PRAISE GOD Paxson and Preston both get monthly checks from Layne’s social
security, but it is nowhere near enough for us to live on. So giving up the guaranteed income was another
major issue. Many female photographers
have husbands who also have an income, so it’s not as critically important to
succeed for them as it is in my case as the only breadwinner in my family. And so far God has not given me another
husband (how many of you thought the news was going be about a man, hmmm? Not yet anyway. Keep praying! And while we're on the topic, Preston's only request about his next Daddy is that he be able to shoot a bow and arrow. I may have a few more requirements than that though). ;)
Focus, Erin. Got a
little distracted by the man comment.
Ha! As I said, I have felt the
desire to go full-time for years, but also was kind of waiting to take the
plunge in hopes God would bring another wonderful husband so the weight of supporting
my family would not fall 100% on me. But many times I think God wants us be obedient without giving Him a list of things we think need to happen before we choose to follow. Two
weeks ago, January 19, 2013, made it three years since my sweet Layne met Jesus. Three years folks. I can’t believe it’s been that long. That got me all reflective too, and made me
think through whether or not I felt I have used the last three years wisely
considering none of us know how long God is going to give us. If God takes me today, will I feel confident
in meeting Him and explaining how I used the time He gave me? Not really, so maybe I need to make some
changes.
As I wrestled with making this
choice and pursuing the dream job I’ve wanted for years, God used many people,
sermons, Scriptures, songs and more to confirm I needed to resign at
Grace. He first started placing that
idea in my head through recent sermons on things like investing wisely and
using your gifts and talents to bless God and others. On Jan. 19 as I attended our church’s leadership
conference session about Biblical decision making, I sat and listened to the
steps to take when trying to make a Biblical decision. The answer to some decisions is easy when one
choice is evil or sinful and one is good, but how do we make Biblical decisions
when both options are good ones? Several
steps to determine God’s will in decisions were presented, and again I felt God’s
gentle leading to resign as I worked through them. I sought wise counsel from some family members
and closest friends to get their opinions.
Am I nuts or can this work? All
were in agreement this was a good idea, and they helped me think through some
of the financial implications I had not considered.
The kicker was sitting in church last Sunday
hearing another sermon about investing wisely, this time with our resources,
and my pastor saying that sometimes God will call you to make a big business
decision that might scare you but you just need to follow His leading and go
for it. I had just talked with my
brother and sister-in-law about all this the night before and Tashia looked at
me like, “See, God wants you to go for it!”
So, after much prayer, reflection and seeking wise counsel I
AM GOING FOR IT! I am at that weird
place of being totally at peace and ridiculously excited about what God is going
to do in my life through this major change; and being totally nervous and
unsure about how this is going to work and how I can support myself and my kids
financially.
But here’s the thing about
that God keeps reminding me. Have I seen
God take care of us exceedingly better than we could have ever asked or
imagined? YES. Have I been amazed at His provision, even
from the most unlikely places? YES. Has He ever not provided everything we
need? NO. Will He ever stop loving us unconditionally or
leading us to His will when we seek Him with all our heart and soul? NO.
NEVER. So what do I have my
panties all in a wad for?! No good reason. You know that old quote, “If God is leading
you to it, He will lead you through it?”
He WILL. “He who calls you is
faithful and He will do it.” (2 Thessalonians 5:24). Did God carry me through Layne’s battle with
brain cancer and eventual death because of it in supernatural ways I can only attribute
to Him? YES. Does He enable me to carry on now as a widow
and single mom and choose to live with joy despite my circumstances? Most of the time. The reason that’s not all the time is my
fault. The Truth is, He does wholly
enable me to embrace and be content with my circumstances if I let Him, and sometimes
I honestly just get tired of doing it all by myself and choose to operate
without asking for His help. Saying for
the 100th time “please use your fork and not your fingers”, “do not
wipe boogers on your brother,” and “please aim for the potty and not the entire
bathroom” gets old, especially when I only hear myself saying it every
time. Sometimes I wish my little angels
had a man to whip them into shape, but for now they’ve just got me and I fail
them when I get frustrated out of my lack of dependence on the Lord to get me
through yet another day of single parenting! But I digress!
So that’s the big news.
In however long it takes to hire someone to replace me at church, probably
several weeks or a couple of months, I will be an official, FULL-TIME professional photographer. Fulfilling my life-long dream job. Following the call of God on my life even
though I’m not sure how it’s all going to work out. Allowing me to not be spread so thin and feel
like I can’t do anything well, but prayerfully becoming a better
mom, friend, Bible study leader and entrepreneur in the process. PLEASE join me in praying I would seek God’s wisdom
at every turn in this new adventure.
Pray I would be diligent to actually work and not play too much. :) One of my closest friends kindly pointed out
the only red flag she saw in this change is me using my extra time to be
social, hang out with my friends and the Aggies I mentor and not be disciplined in
actually getting work done. She knows me
so well! I will have to pray through
what my days should look like and stick to a schedule. Please also pray God would bring the clients
and work I need to support my family well.
I have so many ideas and business goals I need to create and launch that
I think will bring the clients I need, but God has to be the one leading what I
should pour my time into developing. “If
He builds it, they will come” right?!
Isn’t that in the Bible somewhere? Ha!
Can I share one of my ideas?
Why not, I’m into novel length already. It’s not an original idea, as other
photographers in the US are doing things like this, but to my knowledge, no one
here is doing it. Does anyone remember
Glamour Shots, where you went to the mall and got all dolled up and had
portraits taken? I remember going to get
mine done the weekend after I got my braces off in eighth grade. I had huge, elephant ear hair, a denim
jacket, and a blue and pink fabric lame’ background. If I had found one of the pics I’d have
posted it. So cheesy it should squirt
out of a can! So think of that concept,
but elegant and relevantly fabulous. It
is a focus on photographing women, young and more "seasoned", and is a division of my portrait
business called “Altogether Lovely” Glamour Sessions, where ladies would come
have their hair and makeup professionally done as part of the whole package prior
to having a themed portrait session with me.
The name “Altogether Lovely” comes from Song of Solomon 4:7 - "You
are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.” (ESV) My
desire is for ladies to see themselves as the Lord sees them--altogether lovely
with no flaws. We females are so hard on
ourselves, and constantly struggle to not compare what God gave us to what the
world says is beautiful. I have had the privilege
of photographing a few girls this way already and one was in disbelief when she
saw her images—couldn’t believe it was her she was looking at and that she was
so pretty. And I hope it gave her confidence
and more self-worth in believing God made her just how He wanted her to be and
she felt more able to embrace it and be prouder of who she is! I have been working on launching this part of
the business for months, and am so glad I will have some more time soon to
devote to getting it off the ground with a dedicated part of my web site and
before/after photos!
And a second idea I have launched but not totally figured
out is being available for mentoring/coaching/teaching sessions for anyone who
wants to learn how to become a better photographer. Whether it’s how to use all those buttons on
your DSLR, understand posing and lighting or digital post-processing in
Photoshop, I am going to begin teaching others what I have learned in the last
15 years from very basic to really advanced. I posted the picture below on
Facebook recently and had at least ten people express interest in being
mentored! Yay! But right now I don’t have much time to do
it, hence yet another need for the move to full-time photography.
OK, almost done, but one thing I must mention as part of God’s
confirmation I am making the right choice happened just yesterday, and I
believe there will be many more evidences of God’s hand to come. One of my co-workers at church stopped me and
said he and his wife had felt for a while they wanted to help support me as a
single mom, and after learning of my resignation and the reason for it the day
before, wanted to give me $100 a month for at least several months to help out. WHAT?!
If that’s not God working to confirm I am following His lead I don’t know
what is! I am so thankful for their
obedience to Him and willingness to part with their hard-earned income to
support me and what I am following God to do.
I am so thankful He loves us enough and cares enough about the details to
lead us to do things like that—it blesses the giver and the receiver!
Lastly, I would love for y’all to pray about something else
for us. I mentioned several months ago I
have a rent house in College Station I am selling and REALLY need to get rid of
it. It’s like a cash vacuum right now
since it’s empty—sucking dollars into mortgage interest I’ll never see
again! After trying to sell it myself
since October and not having much movement, I listed it with a realtor from my
church and it will officially go on the market in a couple of weeks. So please join me in praying it would sell
quickly for a reasonable price! It would
seem financially smarter to stop working at church after I get it sold, BUT
sometimes God’s timing doesn’t make complete sense and He just wants us to
trust He will take care of the details we can’t figure out without seeing the
big picture He sees. Thanks for praying!
AND really lastly, thank you all so much for reading this
far and for caring enough to want to know what is going on in mine and Paxson
and Preston’s lives. We could not walk
this road without Jesus and you, our treasured family and friends. We are blessed beyond what we deserve in
countless ways and praise God for YOU!
